The 'Aha!' Joke

It's been quite an eventful Saturday to say the least: Arsenal beat Aston Villa in the Premier League this afternoon, I got back on the internet today and I had a chat with my cousin Joy.

Late this evening, I stumbled on another joke on the internet and I thought it pretty hilarious:

They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn't been talking to each other.

Instead, they were giving each other written notes.

One evening he gave her a paper where it said: "Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am." The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock.

Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying: "Wake up, it's 6 o'clock!"

So I found a neat joke

I was wandering around the Nigerian web space after spending 4 hours working on a project in the office when I stumbled on this neat little joke.

An employee goes to his boss to discuss his appraisal. Boss starts asking questions: 

Boss: There are 50 bricks on an airplane. If you drop 1 outside. How many are left? 

Employee: That's easy. There are 49 left. 

Boss: How would you put an elephant into a fridge? 

Employee: Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Then close the fridge. 

Boss: How would you put a deer into the fridge? 

Employee: Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Then close the fridge. 

Boss: It's the lion's birthday. All animals are at the party except one. Who is missing & why? 

Employee: Deer is missing because it is in the fridge. 

Boss: An old woman wants to cross a swamp filled with crocodiles. How will she do it? 

Employee: She just has to cross from one side to the other because all the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday party. 

Boss: Last question. The old lady still died while crossing the swamp. How? 

Employee: Err... I guess she drowned? 

Boss: No! She was hit by the brick that fell from the airplane. You may leave.

Hope you found it funny too. If you didn't........LIGHTEN UP!!!!!!!!!!!

Talking Arsenal: The View from London

Been a while, hasn't it? I'm always starting my posts this way so you'd think I shouldn't feel bad anymore but I still do. I won't come here and make any promises anymore, I'd just take things as they come.

That out of the way, I was trying to get myself up to date with the latest happenings in English Football and I stumble on this article about Arsenal being the biggest club in London. Before you say anything, at first I said to myself, "here we go again..." but then after going through the story, I found myself nodding my head in agreement at the end.

The things that struck me the most were the last four paragraphs of that article and I've taken the liberty of lifting them and giving them to you for your reading pleasure:

Under Arsene Wenger, the club completed the 2003-04 league season unbeaten with a side that contained some of the finest players in Thierry Henry, Patrick Vieira and Dennis Bergkamp that English football has ever seen. 

The club have also remained omnipresent in the Champions League and have qualified for the competition a record 17 seasons in succession, despite the financial constraints placed upon them by the move to the magnificent 60,000-seater Emirates Stadium – the second largest club stadium in England.

To gain a measure of Arsenal’s size and following, for the first two years back in Europe’s elite competition the club elected to play their games at Wembley Stadium where crowds of 90,000 flocked to see them play the likes of Barcelona and Dynamo Kiev – a remarkable turnout when you consider Chelsea regularly struggle to fill their Stamford Bridge home for Champions League matches. 

Arsenal’s global reach has increased significantly as a result of their continued presence in the Champions League and commitment to fast, free-flowing football under Wenger. They are the only Premier League club to boast over four million followers on Twitter and 25 million likes on Facebook.

Apart from the jibe at the pensioners, Arsenal's social media standing kind of puts a good perspective on why they've gotten so much flak from almost everybody  over the past half decade or so. I mean, over 29 million people around the world with an opinion on how the club should be run and who should and should not play... I don't envy Arsene Wenger or the next Arsenal manager at all.

That said, I'm looking forward to a better season of football in the 2014/15 Barclays English Premier League Season.

Funny Rules of the World Cup

The biggest football mundial is just around the corner and even though I personally think the World Cup is the most overrated soccer competition in the world today, I can't do anything to stop it.
I'm sure a lot of people have seen this little list going around on the social networks. Here's just my own little version:

Rules for the ladies from the gents:

MEMO: The world cup (WC) is fast approaching and we would like to clarify a few things and set some very simple rules.

1. For the  duration of the World Cup, the remote control (TV and DSTV) shall reside in my pocket and shall be operated only by me.

2. You shall learn all soccer rules prior to the World Cup as questions like, 'why is that guy running on the line waving a checkered flag' will not be tolerated.

3. If you miss the line up please do not ask, 'who is that guy?'

4. There shall be no comments about Cristiano Ronaldo's looks. Professionalism shall remain an absolute part of the World Cup. Football please.

5. We shall watch any soap, reality show, or romantic movie as long as they shoot it on the beaches of Brazil.

6. It's the World Cup and there is no Chelsea or Barcelona. It happens once in four years so don't ask if its the same as the game from last week.

7. I won't be attending weddings, naming ceremonies, etc held by any of your girlfriends during the World Cup.

8. You shall support the teams I support, smile only when my teams are winning and shout goal when it's actually one.

9. Non-soccer conversations shall not be tolerated within regulation, injury, extra time or during penalties.

10. Ronaldo the Brazilian and Ronaldo the Portuguese are not related.

11. Please don't try to find out who's more important between you and any match going on by asking questions during the match ... the match will always win.

12. There is a 6 hour time difference between Rio De Janeiro and Lagos so please, no "where are you coming from by this time" type of questions.

13. If you find yourself between me and the TV, you'd better be crawling and not standing.

14. Quietly serve the food and send sms, we will deal with it later.

Thank you

Funny eh?

Happy Birthday Omonayajo Damilola Tolulope Benedict!

This must be a record of some sort...two posts in one day.

Well, the purpose of this post has been explained by the title (i hope). Today, the 28th day of May, 2014 is my younger brother's 20th birthday and I'm using this avenue to wish him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

A lot of people are surprised when they find out that my brother and I were born on consecutive days of different years, me the 27th of May and him the 28th but it's true and we like things like that.

In conclusion, little brother (well, you ain't that little anymore), I wish you the best of birthdays today...this new year you're starting would be the best year you've known and you shall indeed celebrate many more years on earth.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ONCE AGAIN.

Appreciating everyone on my Birthday

I thought about doing the blanket text/bbm broadcast to appreciate those that wished me a Happy birthday yesterday but then it just seemed ordinary...like something everybody does. So I decided to do this.

Before I go further, I'd love to thank God for taking me through the few years I've spent on earth... I thank my parents and my brother for always being there and putting up with me inspite of my propensity to be naughty at times.

This done, in the rest of this post, I'd be thanking everyone who took time out to text and call me on my birthday. So can call this a thank you post - a sort of appreciation letter.

First up is my best friend, girlfriend and consultant, Ayoade Yetunde. What more can I say? Thank you for Friday, Wednesday, Monday, Saturday and always.

Then I'd thank her mum (Mrs. Ayoade) and sister (Seki) for also taking time out to wish me a happy birthday. I must admit, I was completely caught off guard by your call and I'm saying a really big thank you for the prayers.

Next up is Tommie - yes, Akibo Tomi Morounfoluwa (self styled GARRI-MAYOR)...she sent me a voice note and I thought it was sweet to have someone sing me a birthday song. Of course I responded with a voice note of my own. Thank you Tommie.

I also want to appreciate Mr. Ope Olugasa, the MD of GIT LIMITED. Thank you sir for taking time out of your busy schedule to wish this small town boy a happy birthday.

Not forgetting Adediji Adeyinka, Gabriel Fawehinmi, Mr Adeyemi Salau and Adesanya Tosin. Thanks guys for making me feel loved. I really appreciate the calls and IMs.

A big shoutout goes to Soyemi Seyifunmi and Oduwole Tosin...Thanks for the call, prayers and goodwill messages. May the good Lord repay you in multiple folds.

Azubike Ijeamaka....my "office big sis", thanks for the call, the prayers and overall goodwill.

I also want to thank my former boss and business partner, Mr Fashina Abayomi Taiwo for remembering me on my birthday and taking time out of his busy schedule to give me a call.

A big thank you goes out to Mrs. Inioluwa Odiete, and the members of staff of GIT LIMITED...thanks for remembering me and wishing me well on my birthday. May the Lord bless you all with the same blessings you sowed into my life.

I want to thank my lovely cousin, Afolabi Joy for not forgetting my birthday...even though I'm guilty of forgetting her last 2 birthdays. Don't worry, I won't forget any more.

I also want everybody to thank my 7 year old cousin, Omonayajo Jesutofunmi for actually getting me a birthday gift. It was arguably the only gift I got and I liked it.

Not forgetting my "long time friend", Awolusi Temilade...thanks for taking time out to call me on my birthday. Please note, that deal you proposed won't fly o...you can't collect those three things from me at once, you've got to choose one.

Pidan Oluwafunmike, thanks for the call and messages... but remember what I told you, I'm reducing the quantity of the stuff I promised you as "punishment".

I've also got to thank Oladosu Victor, Oduntan Balogun, Akinremi Dapo and Dada Joseph for not forgetting me on my birthday. And pappy, you'd still tell me what bad dream you had that made you call me professor peller.

A big shoutout goes out to the following people for their IM messages: Adesina Olaitan, Allen Oluwafemi, Michael Lawrence, Osanyin Kehinde, Nnamaka Gilbert, Eyeh Michael, Bassey Christian, Olamijulo Raymond, Keyomah Hope, Olamide, Niyi Idowu, Gbede Babatunde, Oladiji Oladayo, Brimmo Samuel, Mr. Tope Olufiranye and Onasile Anu for their goodwill messages on my birthday.

Just so I'm thorough, I'd also like to thank my banks for their automated messages... Gtbank, EcoBank, Zenith Bank and FCMB.

If you called or texted me and I left out your name, you most likely called the wrong number :D.....thanks all the same. I really appreciate the love, affection and thoughtfulness that y'all have shown.

Gracias.

My first Professional Error

...I've been putting off writing another piece here since I did my last piece of writing for Maya, back in January; but late last week, I decided to start writing again...for like the 1004th time. So, I write today about my first major goof at work. It was humongous - at least from my point of view - it was.

I work in a software firm that's committed to revolutionizing the Nigerian and African Legal Practice and Justice delivery system (yes, I'm advertising....but it's my blog isn't it?) and up until Monday, I'd considered myself a model professional when it comes to official assignments. I love working under pressure...pressure to deliver high-value results. This is why I haven't been all too concerned about my workload which almost quadrupled at the turn of the year.

I was made project lead for a software product with 3 different flavours and in essence, three different code-bases that had to be in sync (as much as possible) feature wise. I'd been burning the candle not only at both ends but I'm pretty sure I must have lit the said candle at not less than 3 points along its length.

Enough with the buildup. Last December, we started informing interested subscribers through weekly emails about latest judgments delivered in Nigeria's Appellate Courts and I took up the project in conjunction with our media and legal teams.

I'd get the summaries of the judgment on Sunday evenings (usually), work on them during the night and get the emails ready to be sent as early as 7:00 am Monday morning. This had gone on successfully for the past 8 weeks until this fateful Monday evening. The judgments had arrived late on Friday evening and while the legal team would have worked on the judgments over the weekend in times past, the company CEO was magnanimous enough to give everyone the weekend off so we could send the newsletter by 7:00 am, Tuesday morning instead.

I got the final draft of the newsletter on Monday evening and by 8:30 pm when I got home, I started working on adding a "blog" module to the Web-Based version of our Electronic Law Reporting & Research Software. The blog would house Tuesday's version of the newsletter and subsequent versions. I started work and worked till small hours of Tuesday morning became increasingly bigger.

By 4:45 am, I couldn't stay awake again and my drowsiness wasn't letting me think or see clearly because I was expecting to see the judgments on our website with dates ranging from 3rd to 7th of March but the most recent date I could see that morning was 28th February. So when I got a call from the newsletter's curator (a colleague from the legal department) around 5:40 am, I just told her I'd need to get to the office later in the morning before sending the newsletter. I ended the call and resumed my "short nap".

Then things got awry! I awoke to the sound of rain... It was 7:45 am Tuesday morning, my windows were open and since it had been raining with winds for like two hours, my room was partially flooded. My first instinct was to pick up my laptop off  the floor. The newsletter was already 90 minutes late, my laptop battery was flat, there was no light (no electricity) and the rain wasn't showing signs of letting up.

I went to the generator house, switched on the small backup generator and tried to knock the newsletter together in record time. My biggest and greatest enemy was the strength and speed of my internet connection as the newsletter had to be designed and edited within a web based application.

At about 9:45 am, after numerous calls from members of management and the legal team wanting to know why the newsletter wasn't sitting in their inbox and where on earth I was, I rushed through the newsletter draft and without a second thought, I hit the "SEND" button.

Exhaling deeply and heaving a sigh of relief, I realized I'd been on my feet since I woke up. I'd composed the newsletter on my balcony placing my laptop on top of an old bookshelf. I switched off the generator (I had switched to the larger one because the smaller one ran out of gasoline) and as I was about to enter the bathroom to take my bath, I realized my first mistake!

Initially, I thought "it isn't that big a mistake, is it?". I'd sent the newsletter to a number of highly influential people on our message list who should have gotten a more comprehensive edition of the newsletter. As I was beating myself up about this and trying to figure out how to solve the problem, my eye caught the date on the newsletter.

Tuesday was 11th of March, 2014; the first line of the newsletter read: Judgments delivered on 27th and 28th March, 2014. The said line should have read: Judgments delivered between 27th February and 7th March, 2014!

I was livid. How could I have missed that??? How could I have sent that??? What was I thinking??? Why did I work late??? What have I done???

In the 3 hours it took me to take a shower, pack my bags, get to work and send a corrected version of the newsletter, I asked myself these questions over and over again...and I decided: That's the last time I'm pulling an all-nighter! I made that decision yesterday evening and even as I type up this blog post, I'm starting to feel that that decision wouldn't last very long.

In the end, I learnt my lesson.

If you're interested in subscribing to the weekly newsletter (with analysis of judgments delivered from Nigeria's Appellate courts), just send me a mail at "dapo.omonayajo[at[gitlimited[dot]com" 

25 great life lessons

1. Assholes are assholes and good people are good people; and only on the very rare occasion does one become the other.

2. Your heart is right 50 to 75 percent of the time. Your gut is right 100 percent of the time.

3. Everything you own should be something you either love dearly or use yearly.

4. Karma is a bitch when you are. No exceptions.

5. Everyone is in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and 95 percent of people fall into the first two categories.

6. You will know true love on the outside, when you know true love on the inside.

7. You will never regret working less and traveling more. You will likely regret working more and traveling less.

8. If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t right.

9. The universe gives you three choices:

Change course when it taps you on the shoulder to tell you to go the other way;

Change course when it is tired of tapping you on the shoulder, grabs you by both shoulders and shakes you to tell you to go the other way;

Change course when it is tired of shaking you, pulls out the baseball bat and starts pummeling you, leaving you with no choice but to go the other way.

10. What you know will never be as important as who you know.

11. ‘Someday’ is today.

12. Vote. No exceptions. Ever.

14. When you say you, “don’t know what to do,” the vast majority of time you actually do know what to do – you just don’t like the answer.

15. Silence is violence, yet words can kill. Be vigilant in both regards.

16. Neither luck nor money have very much to do with your ability to travel.

17. One day will be the last day for you and everyone you love. That day has snuck up on a lot of people. Act accordingly.

18. When you don’t know what to say, you must say something. Even if it is, “I don’t know to say.”

19. Any email in your outbox that could alter the course of your life by arriving in someone else’s inbox needs to sit in ‘drafts’ for five days before hitting send. No exceptions.

20. You do not own belongings which you purchased with a credit card; they own you.

21. Create your life story the way they write movies. Decide how you would like it to end and then create every scene that would lead up to it.

22. Revere doctors who practice health. Run from doctors who practice medicine.

23. Everyone has a story that would blow your f’n mind. No exceptions.

24. Momentum is a universal force you can control. Every day you choose whether it will pull you further backwards or push your farther forwards.

25. You can’t out crazy, crazy, but hopefully you can out run it.

And They Became TWO!!!

That's the best way I can sum up Arsenal Football Club's early foray into the transfer market this summer. Oops! Where are my manners? Today, I stumbled on an enlightening comment and I'd like to share that comment as well as my personal opinion (I know, I know, you don't want to hear or read it...but it's my blog, remember?). It's Sports TUESDAY!!! Or rather ARSENAL Tuesday!!! Yipee!!!

So - lexical blunder Live with it :) - as we are in a world of 24 hour news, I tried to get the latest that had been happening with my darling club Arsenal FC since yesterday when I last checked and boy, was there something! Oliver Giroud (YES! OG) had completed his medical yesterday and except Her Majesty, The Queen suddenly decides to change her Nationality and become a Tanzanian, the deal is done and dusted. Then I asked myself the same question all Arsenal fans have been asking with bated breath since the end of the Premier League Season: Is this enough to tie Van Persie down?

Analysts in some quarters believe that Arsenal would boast of a new-look frontline of Podolski-Giroud-RVP next season and they might not be wrong considering the fact that RVP (and indeed his Oranje Teammates) did himself no favours with his lukewarm performance at the ongoing Euro 2012. But I ask myself the question, is Arsene Wenger finally grabbing the bull by the scruff of the neck and signing the players we so desperately need because he's sure that RVP's name wouldn't be on the Arsenal teamlist for next season?

Well, this post is about examining the virtues of newboy, OG and trying to determine iff he's the attacking presence we needed all of last season. Yes, RVP scored and assisted about 50 goals last season but most times, he couldn't just push his way past defenders like other strikers from the other teams which I wouldn't dare mention.

Here's the comment that birthed this post:

As far as being a replacement for RVP I don't understand why people don't consider the idea of forcing him to run down his contract. We don't need the money we damn well do need a striker who scored and assisted 50 goals in one season. I'll never forgive the board or Wenger for not doing that should RVP decide he wants to leave. 30+ million is not going to satisfy that disappointment and what RVP wants is irrelevant because we own him for another season and there is no chance in hell will sulk given his status amongst the fans and his own desire to be seen as one of the best strikers in the world.
We keep him, end of story.

I have no idea how Giroud or Podolski will turn out, but I really hope Wenger doesn't clown around with them too much and play Giroud as a right winger or something like that. People above me have said Walcott is a winger, he's not, he's a striker who has had very mixed performances on the wing. Chamberlain is an attacking midfielder who works well on the wing too.

Look, the simple fact of Chamakh is he has an amazing header, a bullet of a head as good as RVP's left foot but we don't have anyone in the team apart from Jenkinson who can cross balls consistently to cater for his talents. We made Chamakh look crap by not playing to his strengths. He's not a ball playing striker, he hasn't got great feet and frankly he looked lost trying to play the sort of game he was instructed to by being told to always look to bring the midfielders into play and dropping deep, when his natural style was to hang off the shoulders of defenders and attack high crosses, which we simply don't do with any regularity or accuracy. He's a plan B striker playing for a team with no plan B.

What we now have with Giroud and Podolski is two strikers who will turn up in the right place at the right time in the box. I watched Montpellier a lot last season. Giroud was always the first player to get to loose balls in the box and I can tell you he misses a lot of very easy chances, seriously a lot but the fact he can legally outmuscle defenders, knows where the ball is likely to appear makes him dangerous and unlike someone like RVP he doesn't take more than one touch, he doesn't try to bring a ball down and try to play past a defender he hits it first time with whichever appendage is closest to the ball with very mixed results I have to say but he will put fear in Premier league defenders because they won't be able to crowd him too much because he doesn't dawdle in the box.

I just hope we play to his strengths and not try to change his game to our usual "pass the ball into the net" type game. He'll get us goals if we allow him the freedom to just hit ball first time when he gets it. He'll miss a lot because he usually does, but with Podolski also the type of player who turns up out of nowhere in the box we're going to see a lot of scrappy goals next season but it's about time we had players willing to blast the ball goalwards when they get it.

 The comment came from Desmond Kreijne and I agree completely. If indeed we do keep RVP, then we could be looking at the beginning of a revolution. I said beginning because, I still don't believe the team has what it takes to win the league or the FA Cup right now...But it could give us a nudge in the right direction.

I'd been making the calls for Arsene to sign players who know what it feels like to win a trophy; players who know what it feels like to fight for a trophy; players that won't buckle under pressure and I think that message is sinking in already. We have championship winners in Gervinho, Podolski and Giroud. RVP won the FA Cup (incidentally his only Arsenal Trophy) in 2005 and he'd won the Euro Cup with Feyenoord. We now have Arteta, Wilshere and The Ox who are fearless and consistent performers.

Add to that, last season's most improved Premier League Goalkeeper (Szcezesny) and Defender (Koscielny) - in my opinion - and I'd say we have eight payers who we can turn to when we need steel, resolve and determination to defend a 1 goal lead or break a deadlock!!!

I look forward as I have for the past 6 seasons to another exciting season for Arsenal.

Problem-Casting for Sympathy

I'd been wondering - for a while now - if and when I'd get back to blogging on a more regular basis when I suddenly realized that if wondering was all I did, I'd never publish another blog post, ever again. So I picked up my phone and started to type.

At first, I thought maybe I should just write and publish a paragraph to let people know that I've rediscovered the writer in me - I'm not so sure I knew the writer very well before - but then, as I started to type, I discovered I had a message for someone, no, Everyone out there, myself inclusive. The message is simple: Stop looking for Sympathy!!!

A lot of people these days have developed a common habit which I'm not condemning but have come to be discouraged from practicing. I sign into my twitter and facebook account these days and apart from the usual "confusion" that's common to both networks, I see many tweets and status updates directly and indirectly "Soliciting" sympathy.

There's this saying that goes: A problem shared is a problem half solved. Even as I type this, I see the irony in this quote; if sharing problems brings a half measure of solution whenever it is done, then there are only two things that could happen. First, the butterfly effect of "problemcasting" (that'd be the most appropriate word to describe it) would ensure that there are no problems in the world because the moment you tell someone about your problem, it's meant to reduce into half its former size. The second thing that could happen, were that saying true is that in halving your own problems, you're unavoidably adding the other half of your problems to the portion of those people who have decided to listen to or read your "problemcast".

It doesn't require a first class science degree to realize that none of the scenarios above are being played out in our world today because while everyone still has at least a couple of problems, I also don't get burdened with an extra load of problems after reading or hearing about other people's problems. So one might ask, "From whence cometh the solutions?"

Answering that might require a bit of Religious and other references which will lead me away from the point of this post (I'm sorry if its turning into an epistle already). The questions to ask are HOW and WHY have YOU been Soliciting the Sympathy of others?

HOW: you lose your phone on your way back from work at the end of a day in which your boss placed you on probation for something you can't even remember and what do you do? You manage to strike up a conversation with a co-passenger in the BRT bus and you tell him a little part of what had befallen you. Maybe you're lucky enough to have internet connection at home or you pick your wife's phone, sign into twitter and facebook and then you let your 400 followers and 1123 friends know what a prick your boss has been and how cruel the streets of Lagos are.

How does that solve your problem? If anything, you've made yourself an object of discussion at dinner tables, cybercafes, dorms and any other places where your "friends" and followers might be. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't tell anyone about what you're going through, all I'm saying is do not broadcast your problems because Nobody, and I repeat: Nobody can understand what you're going through more than yourself.

In spreading the word about your problem (this is WHY you problemcast), you're invariably soliciting sympathy and you'd get it from some people. But what does it do to solve your problem??? In what way does "Aww...sorry" or "eeyahhh...pele" reduce the gravity of your problems? Most of these people would eventually remember your problems while drinking bottles of beer and they'd have a good laugh about you. Where does that leave you and your problem?